House Dragon No More!

or

How I stopped being frustrated and learned to love divorce.

House Dragon  n., adj.  hous-drag-uhn

A fiercely unpleasant woman who is mentally disordered and exhibiting insanity, who has lived or resided in your home long enough to suck your soul dry.

syn. ex-wife, succubus 

Getting divorced and looking for a lawyer in Jax?  This guy's got my seal of approval if you can afford him.

click on Lady Justice below

"Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty I'm free at last." -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

"Show class, have pride, and display character. If you do, winning takes care of itself." - Paul 'Bear' Bryant

"Virtue is its own reward."  -Marcus T. Cicero

"Patience and tenacity of purpose are worth more than twice their weight of cleverness." -Thomas Henry Huxley

"Life is tough.  It's tougher when you're stupid.  So, if you're going to be stupid; you'd better be tough." - John Wayne

I haven't spoken of the details and the goings on with regard to the split with the House Dragon to many of the family and friends; well, now is finally the time.  Although, there are a couple of you who have probably heard more than you wanted to hear; if you're in the later category... Hey, I apologize for crying on your shoulder, for the rest of you; enjoy this abbreviated and sanitized version of the last three and a half years of dealing with a House Dragon. 

Divorce is kind of like a train wreck; it's never good when it happens, but you can't help but look on in amazement, and it's absolutely terrifying to be in the middle of it.... What a great analogy, I've actually been in a train wreck, and that really works!  By the way, much thanks to Amtrak and the Ottawa County road commission for coming together and making that experience possible.  Oh yeah, every time I bring that up I'm supposed to say, "Tom Becker kicks ass!"  But I digress; still, I'd rather ride a train to its doom before I do another divorce with a crazy woman.

Anyway, after 13 years of marriage, and three and a half years of separation & posturing it's finally over.  The divorce is final, so raise your glass high in celebration. 

The vile House Dragon took every opportunity to poison this relationship, drag out this process, and make it as horrifying as possible.  She’s spent time institutionalized because she and her brain are locked in a battle over what is reality, and what is fantasy.  Her insanity nearly drove me to madness too; I escaped her sphere of influence just in time. 

She is an incredibly miserable person, and isn't content unless the people around her are too.  She used every act of kindness, every attempt of mine to be reasonable, and every compromise I made, against me.  My achievement was her failure.  On several occasions she screwed herself over just to try and make me miserable, I'll never understand it. 

She constantly lied to me while pleading that she was telling the truth.  The sad part is, in hind sight, I think she actually believed what she was saying even though her actions and, in fact, reality was in direct contradiction to her words.  I guess it's just a manifestation of her insanity.

Through a painfully miserable process, we finally came to an equitable arrangement in the form of a separation agreement that I had hoped would last forever; it was a pretty good deal for both of us, not as good as it could've been if she had negotiated in good faith. 

She did manage to screw us out of about $40k - $60k on the house by forcing an immediate sale, but as she told one of my friends, "I can't stand the thought of him being happy in that house without me."  How ironic, she didn't want me happy in it with her either.  I guess that was worth $20k - $30k to her, oh well, small price to pay to be rid of her. 

Even being forced to sell on the quick, the home paid off the considerable credit card debt she ran up behind my back.  So, even if we didn't get to put any profits from the sale in our pockets, it still worked out pretty well.  Anyway, there's a very nice Pilipino family that has been living there for a little better than 3 years now.  I've talked to them a couple of times, it seems to be a happier home for them than it was for me.

Deep down I knew the treacherous and insane House Dragon couldn't resist the temptation to violate our agreement.  I hoped against hope, that this time would be different; that she would do the right thing and honor just one agreement between us.  But, like so many times before, she disappointed me and did violate our agreement. 

I should thank the House Dragon for releasing me from our agreement, even if at the time she didn't realize that was what she was doing.  Hell, that is all I ever really wanted in the first place when I initially filed back in 2003.  I told her then "everything is negotiable".  Apparently we have different definitions of the word negotiate.  In my world:  you give some, I give some, and we come to a reasoned compromise.  In her world negotiation means:  I give, she takes and a well reasoned compromise is reached when she's taken everything.  Ha! Ha!

Her final betrayal, as a matter of course, triggered the conversion of our legal separation into a divorce.  It was finally time to go on the offensive.  No more compromise, no more giving, no more being reasonable or nice.  Diplomatic relations were cut, there was to be no further communication, and the big guns were brought to bear.  After three years, the time for unrestricted warfare had arrived. 

In a move that would've made Monty Hall of 'Let's Make a Deal' fame proud, my lawyer and I took the separation agreement to court and served her up a steaming pile of crap because she was greedy enough to go for what was behind door number two.  Yes my friends, she got the 'booby prize'.

But finally, that's over and I can enjoy life without the dark cloud that is her existence hanging over my head.  Not that I haven't been enjoying the hell out of life anyway, but without the threat of her lunacy impacting my life any longer, it's much sweeter.  All I can say is:  Wow, talk about a weight being lifted from my soul.

I sincerely hope the House Dragon's life is filled with as much joy as mine has been for the last year or so.  I pray she's learned from this experience.  I especially hope she doesn't unleash her special brand of moon barking madness on any other poor unsuspecting idiot that ends up in a relationship with her.  In fact, I hope the House Dragon continues her psychiatric treatment, and becomes a functioning member of society.  However, she'll have to do it now without the health care I was providing her under our separation agreement.  As Homer Simpson would say, when faced by an unexpected consequence to his actions, "D'oh!"

As kind of a post-script to this whole mess; I owe all my family and friends a big 'thanks' for all the support throughout this horror show.  I especially owe a huge thanks to a few folks that were close to me throughout this mess. 

First, I need to thank Kellie for being understanding, patient, sane, and especially for restoring my faith in human relationships outside of a loose affiliation of drinking buddies.  We've known each other socially for several years, and finally started dating about a year and a half ago.  It's been a wonderful 18 months with no end in sight, she’s a real class act.

And secondly, to Tony for helping me stay grounded and keeping me from doing anything rash when the House Dragon was pushing my buttons.  He's the guy who regularly talked me out of stooping to her level and kept me on the high road.  Thanks to Tony I didn't do anything stupid and was able to get out of this thing with a clean conscience.  He's one of my best friends.  We've sailed across several oceans and drank a lot of beer on more than a few continents, often in the company of some unsavory folks.  I couldn't ask for a better friend to have my back.

Lastly I need to thank my mom for pointing me in the direction of a good attorney and giving me the support and advice I needed when I needed it.  She had a big part in the drafting a very important addendum to the initial agreement that seriously covered my ass when this finally blew up.  I guess all those years at the law firm finally came in useful.  But I'm betting the thing she enjoyed most out of this horrible ordeal was hooking one of her boys up with a family law attorney, instead of a criminal defense attorney for a change.  Ha! Ha!

Speaking of attorneys I guess I need to thank them too.  I need to thank Lou for getting the initial separation done, calming me down when the House Dragon fired her initial volley and for the sage advice about getting her to leave town.  Brilliant!  You kick ass my friend.  And I also need to thank Steve for wrapping the deal up with style, grace, and good humor.  You made it look easy and almost made ending this fun, though you could use some work on returning phone calls. Ha, Ha... I know you're busy.  Way to go, you guys made a great team and did an excellent job covering my ass when she had her "special moments" or was launching one of her "surprise attacks".  I just wish my bank account liked you as much as you liked it.  Just kidding, your services were worth every cent, even if I wish they hadn't been necessary and the House Dragon and I could've just worked this out like adults.

Well, that's the end of the story, credits and all.  I hope I didn't come off sounding too bitter, a little jaded maybe, but not bitter.  I've been around the world a couple of times, and have seen real suffering.  What's going on here is petty and at best, perhaps just a poor imitation of a soap opera.  There aren't even any kids involved.  It's just tragic and disappointing.  Things could've worked out so much better for each of us.  I married her because I loved her.  She in turn taught me to hate.  What can I say, I was bamboozled by love.  Thank God it's over!

Patients is a virtue and virtue is truly its own reward.  Thank you again family and friends, I couldn't have asked for a better birthday present.  After this weekend I shall never speak of her or this again.   If I do, y'all have permission to tell me to shut the hell up.

Anyone, besides me ready for a shot of Tequila?????  WOOT!!  The party is just starting.

Huge Thanks to...

the lovely and gracious Kellie

Tony  AKA "Tiberius Maximus"

and last but not least, my mommy.

House Dragon  n., adj.  hous-drag-uhn

A fiercely unpleasant woman who is mentally disordered and exhibiting insanity, who has lived or resided in your home long enough to suck your soul dry.

syn. ex-wife, succubus